- I love it when i hear my little alarm clock girl singing "oh no, you never let go!" at the top of her lungs....I hate it when it is 6 in the morning (which will become 5am in a few days) i. may. go. crazy.
- I love it when I hear my boy reading to my girl...all sweet and snuggly, but i hate it when they tease, hit, yell and cry at each other (tips for helping me kids get along?!
- I love it when my girl uses the potty...6 months of potty training has lead to this: control issues (not for me, of course, for my 2.9 year old!) she peed her pants 4 times yesterday, simply because she wanted to.
- I love my sweet little home, the flowers, the breeze blowing thru the windows...but, hate that i feel like i'm always cleaning it!
- love, love, love these three classics: to kill a mockingbird, east of eden and a tree grows in brooklyn...what should i read next?...hate that i always have a fine to pay every three weeks when i go to return stuff
- I love to date my hunnie...any creative date nite ideas?!...hate to pay babysitters all the time (wish rob's mom would hurry up and move here!)
- I love my new "kings of leon" cd...hate that i rarely (ok never) go to concerts
- I love to learn...hate the anxiety i'm feeling about HOW to make going back to school work!
- I love the bay area..the Giants...but, hated that it took me 15 minutes to make a lefthand turn yesterday onto millbrae ave because 1 million people were trying to park at the BART station
- I love halloween candy...hate that i have to walk/run a mile for each piece i steal and eat from my kids (thats my personal goal...but it looms over me)...i will be walking to pick up levi from school again today because i cannot keep my paws out of that candy jar!
- I love my sweet, understanding, prayerful and encouraging best friends...hate that most of them live far far away.
- I love tv shows like the office, SNL, 30 rock, modern family, ...hate those loser lame boyfriends on "teen mom"...really. this should be required viewing for all girls
- love chipotle and papa john's...hate how i have to squish into my jeans afterwards!
- Truly love, adore, worship my LORD, Jesus, thankful for HIS love...hate that my heart is prone to wander, sin, disease and scary sad stuff that happens...however, i love that HE gives me a HOPE and walks with me with through it all!
- love my church family, MOPS, women's Bible study, small group...hate that some of the people I love the most miss out on the joy of such authentic and supportive community
I found this post from more than four years ago- when we were still a family of four. Surprised that not much as changed. I now have another toddler that I have to potty train, I have other new CD's and shows I love, and we live in a different house...but everything else pretty much still rings through. This was before I started blogging and everyone gave me such encouragement that I began dreaming about writing. Maybe it all started with one super long facebook post!
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Ya'll remember when I posted about surprises? And keeping watch for the "little things" around us that can bring us joy! My sweet friend, Cara, shared it today on her really awesome blog.
Check it out! Here’s the link: http://wp.me/p1FinC-13f "In my life, be lifted high
In our world, be lifted high In our love, be lifted high" I sang this today at church. Twice. Why did I stay for the second service? Because, after I gathered all my kids (whom all seem to head different directions), re-organized some food in the Element room, hugged some sweet old friends who were visiting from Chattanooga, borrowed a bandaid for my boy's booboo, cleaned up my girl's spilled tea, I headed downstairs. And, just about ran into a surprise guest. B's birthdad. A flood of emotions ran through me. I'm not sure what registered on my face, but I managed a smile and a hug and a "christian-like" welcome. Inside seated in "my" church was B's Grandma and Grandpa. Not my parents who had snuggled just last week with him on our couch, reading books and singing silly songs. But, the grandparents who had visited my bitty boy (our bitty boy?) every week in the county social services office as we went through the process. What process? The reunification process. The process where we - as foster parents- bit our nails and waited for judges to make decisions for this little child whom we fed and rocked and taught to walk. The process of court dates and our happy news that we could adopt him paired with their sad news of loss. Two families brought together by our conjoined love for one little bright-eyed boy. Our story forever connected by choices that cannot be unmade. A story that is really his story, though he is not quite old enough to understand. So he sat on my lap and looked for his Daddy to walk up on stage to preach. He sat next to his sister- though she grew in my belly and he did not. He sat two seats over from his birthdad and we all sang the song. Worship can stir up a heart. And my prayer was this: In this situation, Lord, be lifted high. In this unique relationship, Lord, be glorified. In B's life and in his understanding of his adoption and in his identity, and in his loss/ gain- Oh Lord, be lifted high. Because just minutes earlier, before I had known they would be there, I sat in a service while my Hunnie preached the Word. While he challenged us to choose holiness instead of being like the world. Because, from the world's standpoint, this situation was a bit awkward, maybe even scary. From the world's standpoint, why would I even want openness with his birthfamily? From the world's standpoint, it would be too messy and too hard. So many people are surprised when I tell them that we have begun to meet up at the park with this family. My response is that, the more people that B has who love him, the better. And they do love him, they just could not provide an environment for him to grow up in. Perhaps in this life, choosing holiness means truly welcoming them to church (though it felt like they had crossed a boundary.) Perhaps, choosing holiness means caring about each of these individuals and their relationship with God and not just B's. Perhaps, choosing holiness looks different in our situation than other people's adoption stories. Perhaps it is somewhat beautiful that a family can come together in the community of a church, and a softening of a heart can happen as the words of worship consume us. A lot of emotions surrounded our adoption process. Guilt, fear, blame, anxiousness, hope, concern, compassion, anger, frustration, and joy. It was truly a road that I was powerless to walk-- on my own. It was so beyond me-- I knew that it would have to be something that God did in me. So, then we also sang this song today. "....No guilt in life, no fear in death This is the power of Christ in me From life's first cry to final breath Jesus commands my destiny...." How true today. It was Christ who wrote our story- who leads us in this unique journey of open adoption and Who lead us together today. It was He who was there at B's first cry, when I was not... and who will be there at his final breath. My knees felt weak, but still today in the awe of this moment, there I stood, with babe on hip- there in the power of Christ I stood. Dig Deeper (Lesson 7-ish!) "Find your WHY and your content will follow.... The moments I lost direction? Those were the moments I forgot my why." What are your words creating? In how you share yourself online, what is the story you're telling? ** These prompts have come in perfect timing. I knew I was missing something: my mission statement of writing! I have spent the last three weeks wrestling with this and have come up with four words. Hope Light Impact Explore Sometimes we get stuck in the desert- stuck in seasons that are dry and hard and frustrating. I love to read a good story that has some messy parts, but ends on a hopeful note. I want to tell a good story that will lift up someone from the pit. I'd like to write for kids and moms and families and orphans and friends and strangers and those who are lonely and have each reader feel understood and so feel a little bit lighter. I want my words to leave people seeing just a lit ray of hope around what may seem like a desperate situation. The beautiful thing I love about reading, is that moment of connection; when I find a piece of myself in the story I'm devouring; we I find common ground with the author. When I come across words that my heart has been trying to articulate, I feel known. I am learning that in my writing, I have to be me. Authentically. I long to be a truth teller. I long to be relate-able. I long to bring to the light those things that I would rather hide under the bed- and in doing so, help illuminate dark corners in the lives of my readers. I want to shine for Jesus-- not that all my writing will be "Christian-y"- but more that I won't bend over backwards not to share this part of me. My love for Jesus will come out in some of my writing here-- because it is the most important thing in my whole life. But, I want it to be my love that shines brighter than even my words (though I'm still learning how to do this!) I want people to leave feeling they can be a change-maker right where they are. I want people to know that love can invade every area of our lives and when we express it, we can change the world. I am passionate about justice and the cause of the fatherless. I want my words to bring about change; to be a catalyst; to inspire others; to make an impact. I have dreams. (Dreams upon dreams upon dreams.) I am restless and love to explore. In fact, a perfect day off would involve wandering along the shoreline collecting treasures, and then eating somewhere new in the city. Our family took a 5,000 mile road trip this summer- because we love exploring! We love new adventures, we love new discoveries. I just read a book about Teddy Roosevelt's discovery of the "River of Doubt" - a nearly 1000 mile river; and it left me wanting to book a ticket to Brazil- which, of course, is not a reality. But, writing can take me to new places. I'd like to write honestly about all I see and observe and if there are new places and time periods and interesting people from our past that I want to get to "know" better, I want to research and explore and share it with ya'll. Reading truly can take you to new lands!
My MOPS group has this theme for the year and I have been contemplating what bravery means in my life today.
I've been inspired by my sweet cousin, Jenny, to write some poetry-- trying something new here! Be you Bravely Beautiful and complex Each of us uniquely created to do significant things. Younger than some, feeling older than I ought Only today counts- can't live in the past or Under the yoke of fear of my future. Boldly taking risks, Running with His strength, Acknowledging my weaknesses, yet still hopeful. Very open: to explore, to learn, to fight through the challenges; Every day, seeing the gifts all around me. Longing and striving; sometimes contemplating and resting- and always Yearning to BLOOM BRAVELY where I am planted. And, while, the words did not come easily for that poem...one night, these words came clear for a friend in the middle of the night. Unfinished Under His caring hand you rest Night after night while He Fights battles on your behalf In His grace and mercy, Not fully understood by us, but wholly seen by Him. I can trust, you say-- and So believe it today. He is still at work, mending, guiding, holding you. Ever in love with you- ever in love with all He has formed and all He is forming- Deeper than the oceans and higher than the heavens. I was invited to write a guest post for my sweet friend, Cara!!
She is an amazing inspiration to write and live authentically. Here is what I'm sharing. Her theme is this: "...Nothing is, in fact, small..." It had been an exhausting day at work. My feet were swollen and my stomach was growling. My mind was filled with the stresses of planning a wedding, buying a house and graduating from college. I hadn’t seen my Hunnie in two days due to all the craziness and when I came out to my car, there was a little note and a bag a skittles- my favorite. Just a little something sweet to show he was thinking of me. Just a little surprise to lift my spirits. Sometimes surprises come just when you need that little bit of hope and joy. Yes, there are surprises that don’t bring joy- like a flat tire that makes you late or a child who comes home with lice from school, but there are probably just as many surprises-- both big and little that can remind us about what is important in life. If we have eyes to see, we can easily spot the sweetness of the surprises all around us. This week alone, I was surprised by Kindness, Love, Hope and Generosity. When these came a-knocking, I almost didn’t open the door! I often dread checking my email. Although I am social by nature, lately I have become overwhelmed by the requests and the have-to’s and the managing of my calendar. But, early one morning I opened an email from a friend-- that asked nothing from me, instead she wanted to show kindness to me. She wanted to come over and take the kids to dinner (yes, all three!), to bring them gifts and to just show them some love so that Hunnie and I could go out on a date. She didn’t just say she wanted to help, she actually gave me some possible days and times. This Surprise of Kindness made it so easy for me- immediately my mood was brightened and now I have a happy Date Nite to look forward to on Saturday! My little girlie is in a very creative phase. Almost daily I come home to pictures, stories, presents (things she has wrapped up from her room) and little love notes. One morning I could tell it was going to be a trying day with my toddler who was already yelling, “I still poopin’!” when it was time to walk out the door, the laundry was piled up high and the my list of errands was already being trampled upon by an impending migraine. I huffed out to the car and wrestled little man into his seat and walked around to get into my seat to rush the big muffins off to school. But, I paused when I saw a note written into the morning dew: “I love you, Mommy.” I almost missed it; I almost forgot that these little ones who were already draining me... could also fill my cup with their sweet words, hugs and smiles. A Surprise of Love to soften my already hardening heart. The grouchiness started to melt away before the letters disappeared in the morning sunshine. On Tuesday, I pulled a muscle by my rib- right in the middle of my back. I was crying by the time I reached the car. I came home and called just about everyone I knew to help me with my toddler- “B Rex”- the active, growling, wild beast that I could not lift up. Some days just stink more than others. Some days I really hate living so far from family. Some days Hunnie has a million meetings and no flexibility. Some days are just lonely. l sat on the couch and just cried- too uncomfortable to even nap. But, an amazing friend swooped in to take my boy out to the zoo, then an unlikely new friend offered to come over and help me all evening. She helped feed my kids dinner, she lifted my boy into his crib, she graciously wiped up counters. A Surprise of Hope covered over the depression that was growing in my mind. Moms often find it hard to find a time to shower-- no time before school when there are lunches to be made, socks to be searched for, papers to be signed and fights to be refereed. No time after school when there is homework to be done, games to go to, dinner to be cooked, and laundry to be put away. So, I’ve started showering in the middle of the day when B Rex is asleep and cannot bang on the door and scream the whole time. But, people sometimes come and ring the doorbell. Then, the dog barks, then the kids run by yelling that someone is here (so you can’t just ignore it and pretend you didn’t hear.) On Sunday I’d just put the shampoo in my hair, when I heard it. Ding Dong. At first I did try to ignore it, but it came again, and again. So, finally, I wrapped a towel around me and answered it- as I was expecting a friend anyhow. Well, it wasn’t her-- it was a man! Luckily, I had the screen door shut and locked and you can’t see through it. So, I told him that Hunnie wasn’t available, but I’d tell him that he had stopped by. “Oh, would he be available if I were to give him tickets to the World Series game today?” Yeah, pretty sure he would. Hold on… A Surprise of Generosity- and to think, I almost didn’t answer the door! What little Surprises of Kindness, Hope, Love, and Generosity have you seen in your life recently. Did you almost miss them, too? |
Missy BethI want to explore my dreams to be a writer here. I want to begin to share ideas, discover my voice, and accept challenges before me. Archives
January 2016
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