Assignment #3
How do I learn to listen to my "muse" and to "love the questions themselves"...moving forward one step at a time without overthinking? Go Deeper >> Think of moments where you experienced a significant breakthrough. How did you break through those thoughts to push yourself up and over and out of the fog?
*These prompts have been right on- truly stirring up the words in my heart. I am realizing how much I've needed someone to just ask me a good question. I've realized how scared I am that someone will 'misunderstand the intentions of my heart'...
If I were to draw a line of my life over the last 20 years, I could mark on it about 8-10 significant "Breakdown- Breakthroughs" (yes, I made that name up!) I've found that sometime you have to completely unravel, and lay it all on the table in order to get down to the nitty gritty of what you are thinking/ feeling. I have to welcome (or be taken hostage by!) a night of wrestling with the questions, facing the doubts and admitting my fears. Only then do I become willing to change what I can and accept what I cannot.
I am a verbal processor. I have to talk myself around an issue (or sometimes write in my private journal), I have to rant and shed some tears and at some point that cry is all spent and then I can see clear enough to take one step. I have to mourn the waiting, and the loss of whatever is at stake before I can make my next move in faith. As I look back through those journals, I can see there is usually a turning point- a breakthrough moment- when my cries turn to praise and trust and hope.
Some significant "Breakdown/ Breakthroughs" moments for me:
Choosing to admit my sin and my need for a Savior.
Letting go of my dream to move away for college and stay in Las Vegas.
Watching my best friend get married just before leaving for Spain, unknowing of the adventure of falling in love around the corner.
Choosing to stop my "career" with Young Life, to start a new life and ministry with my man.
Getting pregnant, the first time...and the second.
Moving to Pasadena for a funky 'in-between' year of uncertainty, then deciding to move to the Bay Area.
The one that takes the cake? Our Big breakdown/ Breakthrough about my dream to adopt. For 10 years we talked about it. For 10 years, it was put on a shelf. For 10 years, I prayed and waited. And one night a discussion about dreams turned into a big cry-fest in the car. It took talking until there were no words left to say. It took a day of silence by my "muse", the ocean. It took some time of sitting with many unknowns. It took a decision to take a step in the direction towards adoption.
Then, I could write about it. After the wrestling, after the "aha", after some silence, after letting go of some things I could not control, and moving forward just a tiny step, I could finally see past the clouds of doubt and fear. Then, I had to share- I had to put down on paper what I had discovered about myself, and the new hope that I had.
How do I learn to listen to my "muse" and to "love the questions themselves"...moving forward one step at a time without overthinking? Go Deeper >> Think of moments where you experienced a significant breakthrough. How did you break through those thoughts to push yourself up and over and out of the fog?
*These prompts have been right on- truly stirring up the words in my heart. I am realizing how much I've needed someone to just ask me a good question. I've realized how scared I am that someone will 'misunderstand the intentions of my heart'...
If I were to draw a line of my life over the last 20 years, I could mark on it about 8-10 significant "Breakdown- Breakthroughs" (yes, I made that name up!) I've found that sometime you have to completely unravel, and lay it all on the table in order to get down to the nitty gritty of what you are thinking/ feeling. I have to welcome (or be taken hostage by!) a night of wrestling with the questions, facing the doubts and admitting my fears. Only then do I become willing to change what I can and accept what I cannot.
I am a verbal processor. I have to talk myself around an issue (or sometimes write in my private journal), I have to rant and shed some tears and at some point that cry is all spent and then I can see clear enough to take one step. I have to mourn the waiting, and the loss of whatever is at stake before I can make my next move in faith. As I look back through those journals, I can see there is usually a turning point- a breakthrough moment- when my cries turn to praise and trust and hope.
Some significant "Breakdown/ Breakthroughs" moments for me:
Choosing to admit my sin and my need for a Savior.
Letting go of my dream to move away for college and stay in Las Vegas.
Watching my best friend get married just before leaving for Spain, unknowing of the adventure of falling in love around the corner.
Choosing to stop my "career" with Young Life, to start a new life and ministry with my man.
Getting pregnant, the first time...and the second.
Moving to Pasadena for a funky 'in-between' year of uncertainty, then deciding to move to the Bay Area.
The one that takes the cake? Our Big breakdown/ Breakthrough about my dream to adopt. For 10 years we talked about it. For 10 years, it was put on a shelf. For 10 years, I prayed and waited. And one night a discussion about dreams turned into a big cry-fest in the car. It took talking until there were no words left to say. It took a day of silence by my "muse", the ocean. It took some time of sitting with many unknowns. It took a decision to take a step in the direction towards adoption.
Then, I could write about it. After the wrestling, after the "aha", after some silence, after letting go of some things I could not control, and moving forward just a tiny step, I could finally see past the clouds of doubt and fear. Then, I had to share- I had to put down on paper what I had discovered about myself, and the new hope that I had.