It almost always happens on the Sunday when Hunnie is preaching. Early in the morning, something will set off one of the kids-- and things spiral into some boisterous tantrum somewhere between the store and the church. Or, perhaps it sneaks up the night before- with a seemingly insignificant comment a husband makes to his wife. Or, maybe it sideswipes you while you are driving-- when a child whines about one more thing and you just snap. The furious words fly. The tears come.
The turmoil grows, because really- you just want to go and worship. And you just want to love those around you, and have them love each other. And you want to teach them, and serve them and no matter how hard you are trying- it seems like you are failing in one area or another.
Shame creeps in - unless we allow humility to have a chance to point us back to grace.
Ahhhhh! Why do I act like I do not want to? Why do I say things when I ought to close my mouth? Why are my emotions so strong and swift- like a flash flood. Oh, and you better believe it is true for each person in my family-- acts that they regret, words spoken in anger (or hunger!), emotions not tempered with truth and love.
Let's be honest. We are trying to live by faith. We are in desperate need of fresh grace every day. Being a family in ministry, being people who are leading mission trips, being willing to do WHATever the Lord leads us to-- also means that we are in the bullseye of the enemy. His arrow hits it's mark swift- distracting me from the joy of the journey, discouraging me, leaving me distraught over over disobedience, and ultimately defeated.
But, the hope is this: I get myself to church anyhow. (Even if I am not fully dressed in a smile and fresh clothes!) Then the Words of Truth spoken, sung and read reach in and heal my hurting heart. In fact, I often imagine the preacher holding a huge sword- and it cuts through all those D's! Because Jesus has ALREADY DEFEATED DEATH!! So, the good news is there once again for me. In the midst of my meltdowns. The good news is there for my kids- even when life is especially hard in their "worlds" for their reasons. (Sometimes I think their reasons seem lame, but my reasons for feeling distracted and discouraged and having a meltdown are often just as lame.)
So. I expect more meltdowns in the days to come. In fact, I'm just going to quit being surprised by them. I will put my hope in Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our Faith!
The turmoil grows, because really- you just want to go and worship. And you just want to love those around you, and have them love each other. And you want to teach them, and serve them and no matter how hard you are trying- it seems like you are failing in one area or another.
Shame creeps in - unless we allow humility to have a chance to point us back to grace.
Ahhhhh! Why do I act like I do not want to? Why do I say things when I ought to close my mouth? Why are my emotions so strong and swift- like a flash flood. Oh, and you better believe it is true for each person in my family-- acts that they regret, words spoken in anger (or hunger!), emotions not tempered with truth and love.
Let's be honest. We are trying to live by faith. We are in desperate need of fresh grace every day. Being a family in ministry, being people who are leading mission trips, being willing to do WHATever the Lord leads us to-- also means that we are in the bullseye of the enemy. His arrow hits it's mark swift- distracting me from the joy of the journey, discouraging me, leaving me distraught over over disobedience, and ultimately defeated.
But, the hope is this: I get myself to church anyhow. (Even if I am not fully dressed in a smile and fresh clothes!) Then the Words of Truth spoken, sung and read reach in and heal my hurting heart. In fact, I often imagine the preacher holding a huge sword- and it cuts through all those D's! Because Jesus has ALREADY DEFEATED DEATH!! So, the good news is there once again for me. In the midst of my meltdowns. The good news is there for my kids- even when life is especially hard in their "worlds" for their reasons. (Sometimes I think their reasons seem lame, but my reasons for feeling distracted and discouraged and having a meltdown are often just as lame.)
So. I expect more meltdowns in the days to come. In fact, I'm just going to quit being surprised by them. I will put my hope in Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our Faith!