How many movies from the 80's and 90's can you quote? Yeah, pretty sure I could recite at least 90 percent of "The Princess Bride"- and it still creeps me out a little bit that Buttercup grew up to be Claire Underwood. It was one of our family's first VHS tapes, and I still own it. (A total side note: I just finished another classic: Grease - and still knew every word of that last song, and most of the moves!) Obviously, some movies are just timeless.
So, back to me now. (Oh, how I desperately want to write a fictional novel about anyone BUT me...but, here I am again.)
I have 11 blogs half written and quite un-polished. I have 6 books piled up and half read. I have been in a pit. A true pit of depression. And, I could not crawl out of it- as much as I tried. I couldn't find the words to express my feelings or my thoughts. I would sit at the computer or with my journal open on my lap and stare. I'd go back to sleep as soon as I'd done whatever was absolutely necessary for the day. I was avoiding people and really not caring much about the future. (I have always been pretty driven, mostly upbeat, and fairly social.) It was as though the Dread Pirate Roberts had stolen my ability to see, to hope and to enjoy the day. Yes, dread would well up in me each morning. Though I'd cry out and try to hope.... I was stuck. I realized it was a problem, when I took my Hunnie out for a fancy birthday dinner and just could not stop crying. Like the whole time. For really no reason.
This was the tipping point, I needed something to help me not feel "mostly dead".
I have 11 blogs half written and quite un-polished. I have 6 books piled up and half read. I have been in a pit. A true pit of depression. And, I could not crawl out of it- as much as I tried. I couldn't find the words to express my feelings or my thoughts. I would sit at the computer or with my journal open on my lap and stare. I'd go back to sleep as soon as I'd done whatever was absolutely necessary for the day. I was avoiding people and really not caring much about the future. (I have always been pretty driven, mostly upbeat, and fairly social.) It was as though the Dread Pirate Roberts had stolen my ability to see, to hope and to enjoy the day. Yes, dread would well up in me each morning. Though I'd cry out and try to hope.... I was stuck. I realized it was a problem, when I took my Hunnie out for a fancy birthday dinner and just could not stop crying. Like the whole time. For really no reason.
This was the tipping point, I needed something to help me not feel "mostly dead".
I went back to my doctor, back to a psychiatrist, changed my medicines, started reaching out to people and dared to believe there was a different way of living. Hope grew.
I don't have the time to tell you about the struggle it has been for the last two years. But, I have learned that God's grace is real in my weakness. I have learned how to lean in to true friends. I have learned how to speak honestly to my husband and family. I have learned to take it one day at a time. I have been reminded that every person has pain and struggles that are unseen. I have learned that ultimately my chemical make-up needs the right cocktail of medicine to help my body function. Once my body adjusted to the change, I felt like a completely new person! In fact, I am in a much better place than I have been for the last year and a half!
I feel more like "Missy"- at least the Missy I like and know- the Missy who jokes and talks and seeks adventure. The Missy whose dreams bubble up in the morning as I embrace the possibilities of the day with my "boots" tied on and my head held high. I've had some play dates/ wine nights/ get togethers with about 7 new friends. Oh yeah, I remembered that I like people again! And, now I am making up for lost time. Though, it wasn't lost. It was a valley; a pit. And, I know was never alone there.
"He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along." Psalm 40:2 NLT
I woke up last week after a date with my husband, with a silly grin on my face. I said, "I feel free again!" - a 180 degree turn around. I am truly grateful. Stay tuned as I get back into the groove of writing. Now, the words are itching to get out!
This change has been so drastic and so good...you could almost say it is...
I feel more like "Missy"- at least the Missy I like and know- the Missy who jokes and talks and seeks adventure. The Missy whose dreams bubble up in the morning as I embrace the possibilities of the day with my "boots" tied on and my head held high. I've had some play dates/ wine nights/ get togethers with about 7 new friends. Oh yeah, I remembered that I like people again! And, now I am making up for lost time. Though, it wasn't lost. It was a valley; a pit. And, I know was never alone there.
"He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along." Psalm 40:2 NLT
I woke up last week after a date with my husband, with a silly grin on my face. I said, "I feel free again!" - a 180 degree turn around. I am truly grateful. Stay tuned as I get back into the groove of writing. Now, the words are itching to get out!
This change has been so drastic and so good...you could almost say it is...